The Legend of Zelda: An Erotic Space Odyssey
by WindWanker
Summary: My girlfriend and I are competing to create the most compelling narrative for the Legend of Zelda. Out of this premise comes a satirical look into the deep sexual tension that exists between the incarnate Hylia and the Hero of time. I hope you all have a great time reading this outrageous tale! Also, I have only a slight inkling of actual Zelda lore. Enjoy!


The Legend of Zelda: An Erotic Space Odyssey

**Chapter 1:**

It was a cold morning in Hateno. Link's nipples are hard from the oncoming snowfall. As he trudges through the icy landscape, his erection manages to keep him warm between his thighs. He knows he must find his home here in Hateno, but the onslaught of snow is beginning to disrupt his vision. Despite the need to feel warmth on his body, he'd much rather feel the heat of a passionate discharge of his white chuchu jelly.

Even after hours of navigating, the frozen tundra did nothing to deswell his throbbing head. His mind is lost in the possibilities of what is waiting for him back at home. Link and Zelda are growing closer since the vanquishment of the calamity. Link wants to remain friends with the princess, but finds it difficult to make his feelings known to her. As of now, the two of them live in separate houses, but Zelda often sneaks into his cabin under the cover of night. Nothing happens between them during these visits so far, though Link is hopeful that things will change soon. His cabin comes into view.

Link quickly unloads and boards Epona before making his way back to his cabin. He notices that candles are lit and a savory smell wafts through the air. As link approaches the cabin, he sees the snow has risen nearly to the door's handle. Link's final hurdle before relaxation will be to shovel the door out before he freezes to death. Moments before Link tosses the last shovelful of icy debris, the hefty wooden door swings open. A sudden burst of heat from the hearth caresses his face and licks down his neck.

Zelda is standing opposite him. Her frame a bit taller than his own. She is wearing her white sheer top that exposes the subtle outline of her lusty chest. Link's eyeline is almost equal to her two heavenly mounds as he stands in the pit he's dug himself into.

Link is beside himself at the sight of the goddess standing before him. It takes Zelda's prompting for him to snap back to the task at hand-getting out of the cold.

"Will you be coming inside, Link?" Zelda asks with concern tracing the smile on her supple lips.

Link blushes at the phrase which causes Zelda to blush and immediately close the door on him.

"Pervert!" she yells through the thick oak door. "Take some time to cool off!"

Link breaks out laughing and suddenly remembers his protruding member below his trousers. He is ashamed of not noticing sooner and quickly tucks his large member into the waistband of his pants. The tightness against him only serves to strengthen the erection, but it is well hidden for now. 

Link taps the door, but nothing stirs from inside the house. The wind begins moaning loudly and Link fears Zelda won't hear him. He proceeds to vigorously bang on the door's filthy planks as a chill begins crawling up the length of his spine.

"Did you regain your composure, knight?" Zelda coyly asks through the door.

"Yes! Please let me in Princess! I beg thee!" Link responds desperately.

Zelda opens the door wide to usher the frozen Hylian in. Before Link can collapse on the floor, Zelda gracefully dips underneath his shoulder to assist his cold bones towards the fireplace. Feeling the soft body of the princess pressing against his own makes Link's chest tighten. His desire feels like a rock falling from his heart into the pit of his loins.

"Why do you do this to yourself, hero?" Zelda asks. Her words warm Link's heart, but he is too exhausted to respond. After laying him on the couch, Zelda drapes a Maraudo wolf blanket over Link's back and prepares a pot of tea in an old blackened kettle. After bringing the tea to a boil, Zelda fills a large mug and rouses Link's semi-conscious mouth for a drink of her sweet elixir. Link sighs as the taste envelopes his tongue.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Zelda exclaimed. The princess excuses herself and disappears to the pantry for a moment. Link's perception of time begins to be hazy as it feels like an eternity till she arrives back at his side. In Zelda's hand is a purple jar with a tiny, white porcelain top. The white porcelain reminds Link of the heavenly pearl white skin of the princess.

"Do you know what this is, Hero?" Zelda asks excitedly.

Link looks up and manages a smirk. "What is it my princess?" he asks.

"It is honey I've collected from my garden. Wildberry honey. Would you like some in your tea?"

Link nods and then dozes off again. Zelda opens the jar and uses a spoon to collect a heaping serving of honey. On the trip from the jar to the mug, several droplets find their way onto Link's tunic.

"Look, I've made a mess of you." Zelda sighs.

Link has no response. He is utterly incapacitated at this point. Zelda takes a dry handkerchief that was tied slightly too tightly around her throat. She brings the tip of her delicate tongue to an edge of the fabric. With the moistened article, Zelda begins to dab the affected areas of link's tunic to no avail. The honey is too thick and the handkerchief too dry.

"Now I've done it." Zelda pouted. "I've drenched you in my sticky sweet nectar!"

Zelda suddenly has an epiphany, but the thought of implementing it causes her to blush bright red. She looks at the honey slowly avalanching down link's chest and decides to act. She first taps Link's shoulder, and when he doesn't stir, she positions herself. Zelda gets on her knees before the foot of the couch and tilts her body forward. Her head is directly over his heaving chest. She takes a moment to watch it rise and fall rhythmically.

She inches further and further down towards Link's tunic, opening her mouth to let her pink serpent slowly explore from her mouth. Second by second, Zelda's pretty tongue edges closer to the woolen cloth. Finally, she makes contact. The wildberry honey oozes onto her tongue. She slowly slides her tongue across the viscous liquid. Zelda cannot help but moan aloud. She quickly looks up at Link's face, certain that her moan would wake him. Link's face is still showing the peace that only sleep could bring.

Feeling satisfied that he was still slumbering, she quickly redoubles her efforts. Her tongue darts in and out of her mouth, suddenly making a game out of how much honey she could hold before she swallows. The amount was causing her cheeks to swell with sugary goodness. She sighs in satisfaction on account of her efforts. Zelda lets the pleasurable liquid sit within her cheeks for a moment-savouring it. After she has enough, she swallows the precious elixir whole.

Having finished with one patch of the sticky substance, Zelda fixes her efforts onto another. Her next target had splashed onto Link's left bosom. She adjusts her position, now straddling Links left leg. She lets out a whimper of surprise after she feels something pressing into her right thigh. Looking down she could not help but blush. Link's Master Sword was never removed from his back. The tip is extending out from under him, pressing firmly upon her. She has a sudden rush. She feels something rising inside of her.

She has been taught to always suppress her desires, yet this feels so right. She dare not move herself, for she has already gone so far. She decides to let his Master sword stay as it is. She focuses onto the wildberry honey that had landed on Link's left pectoral muscle. Leaning forward, being careful to not disturb her knight, she moves her face towards her prize. Already she could feel herself salivating. With a slick movement, she makes the final approach. Her tongue begins lavishing the honey with purposeful motions.

"Zelda, what's going on?" Link asks in a half whimper. His groggy facial expression conveys confusion, but his eyes are still closed.

"Go back to sleep." Zelda says softly.

Zelda reassess her position, tightly pulling the reins of her emotions. She gently moves off the hero. After tidying up a bit, Zelda recapts the honey and prepares herself for her departure back to the cottage she shares with Pura across the river.


End file.
